| i need to vent, because a tragedy -- yes, tragedy -- has befallen me, and i have nowhere else to rant. nowhere else to turn.
ryankicks.com is dead.
as of 10:1x tonight, while trying to install sketch video freeware, my computer locked me out, and decided it no longer wanted me in again. i tried safe modes, recovery disks, remote regedit (you can do that?) and a host of other things. after each reboot, my computer screen simply blinks at me, DOSSY-eyed, telling me there's nothing more i can do.
four hours later, i'm watching my hard drive reformat, and blogging in silence.
what is ryankicks? the last eight years of my internet life, that's all. all the pictures i've ever taken. journal entries. yearly mix tapes, mood albums, and chinese language lessons that i promised myself -- really! -- i'd eventually listen to. there's more, but i can't even remember what. you store things on backup computers thinking that they're safe. they're secret. and then you go and fuck it up with freeware. gah.
there is a glimmer of hope that ryankicks can be resurrected. re-install windows and re-mount a sketch raid drive. but i'm not holding my breath.
if it's truly the end, then so be it. the images of sonkrat and the narragansett will slowly fade from memory, but life is better lived in the moment. and every moment, these days, are with family.
some things are for the better.
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| When my Grandfather died, my mother attended his funeral in Korea. When she got back, she locked herself up in her room. Disappeared for two days. At the end of those two days, she came out, and it was like nothing had ever happened. She cooked, she cleaned, she scolded. She was fine, I thought.
There probably isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about him.
I can't imagine that numb tingling sensation I have sometimes, for days or weeks on end. Maybe the time will come when I can do what she did. Lock it away, lock it away for other people, because there is no time for yourself. There's only time to cook, and clean, and scold.
There's always tomorrow. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| eXpressive: 6/10
Practical: 4/10
Physical: 6/10
Giver: 8/10
You are a XSYG--Expressive Sentimental Physical Giver. This makes you a Sex Bomb.
You are sexy sex sex sex! The sexness! You are the sexiest, hottest and most charismatic of all types. You are a captivating speaker and a great dinner date -- relaxed, self-effacing, charming and generous. Your type probably has origins in something sad -- trying to keep the peace in a tough family situation, or an early heartbreak -- and you'll probably want to address and resolve that at some point, but in your relationships that heartache is pure gold!
You lie effortlessly -- not necessarily a bad thing. You can have problems with fidelity. You need frequent praise and validation, and in seeking it you can make decisions that aren't consistent with your general good judgment. In other words, don't cheat on your significant other just because someone is paying attention to you.
You strongly dislike conflict, and will avoid it. Like an XPYG, you give so much of yourself to your partner that you feel dismissed and unappreciated if you don't get the same in return. But you internalize your feelings more and have a hard time getting over them. You don't *want* to cheat -- you just keep finding yourself in vulnerable situations. But you'll stay with your partner in the long run from guilt and a desire to please.
Your sex life will always be hot. You are one of the rare people who can keep the fires of passion going forever -- if you find a good match. Find another XSYG and you will never need (or want) anyone else again.
Of the 60154 people who have taken this quiz, 8.8 % are this type. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | i feel like a spy with this thing. it's actually smaller than my phone, which itself is already puny. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| good film, but natalie portman is too perfect. i think the movie could better spend its time evenly portraying all of the characters. but that would make natalie's character more perfect, which makes the movie less perfect.
what a pickle.
garden state has a great soundtrack. it's indicative of the current small-label trends in media-- indie music and independent film maturing at the same rate. production techniques becoming easily accessible to the masses. i'm fairly new to indie music myself, so the movie served as a good crash course to some new artists.
the movie ends without answers and with sincerity. it doesn't feel like a cop-out, and that's refreshing. braff has a very dry sense of humor, and it'll be interesting to see where he takes it. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| nothing clears my head better than a ridiculously ridiculous drive on the 241 toll roads. it cost the price of four packs of topps, and was worth every onramp and straightaway.
got back from another wedding, this time a friend from high school. this one was simple and beautiful, and the love shared by both families gushes with every beyonce booty-shake of a proud korean father.
it all makes me wish pam were there to bum a smoke off of her.
oh wait. i've sworn that stuff off.
anyway, i got to spend time with jackie. that in itself was worth a concussion, a last minute wallet-gouging flight from ghettoville, being frisked by overanxious airport security (*cough*) and enduring a forthcoming six-hour drive with grandson-crazed parents. i may not see jackie for a while, and if it indeed turns out to be another year, we'll have at least accumulated more wine recommendations to share. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| a list on the flight down:
fenway park
in line at TKTS
mariner's game
pochangmacha outside doota
any beach in hawaii
i miss tent sales at chick's. ten dollar surfer tees, fugly net running shoes and good customer service. i think i'm going to make quicksilver and billabong the official clothier of ryankicks this summer. not that you'd see under the seven layers of fog-repellant sweatshirts and winter jackets.
del taco & el pollo loco | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i hadn't realized it was the time of the year for my annual head injury. this time sustained by the people's elbow outside hush hush. i made the mandatory trip to the doctor, and luckily no fracture. despite the clean bill of health, my body says otherwise. general soreness and nausea, my weekend los angeles plans are likely shot.
on the bright side, i'm catching up on my cable vision. more music videos than i've seen in an entire year, and catching a 10k performance by pedro on espn. doesn't beat feeling 100%, but distraction helps.
bad things happen, and there's not much you can do to avoid them. my major concern is my recent plans for travel. health care outside the united states is oftentimes shoddy, even in a modern country like korea. i'll have to be more mindful of my health, which includes avoiding the twentysomething vices of cigarettes and alcohol.
i should start restraint now. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| nakada ranch is a riot. learned to ride a motorcycle, witnessed chan catch his first fish, gawked at billions and billions of shooting stars, galaxies and even satellites. made a midnight boating/hiking venture, saw my first living tri-tip and had the most incredible lamb chops and omlette-with-magri ever.
despite chop's incessant bitching about traffic, even the drive was great. through movie-esque vineyards, (incorrectly) pointing out motorcycles, talking guy talk that even guys don't like talking about. though the language remains the same, the tone reveals the secrets that we don't normally speak of. and in those friend confessionaries, i realize i'm not alone in feeling the way i do.
i found a small bit of peace-- from the land, in the company, with the decisions i have made. the rancher is right. things will continue to succeed without me. departure and loss is as easily forgotten i have forgotten those before me. and in the end, i have only myself to blame for the self-imagined restrictions preventing me from travelling, experiencing, doing. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I go by the name of Wyclef Jean
We are the refugee all-stars
We salute to soldiers around the world
This one's called 'Bullet in your Bubblegoose'
Sit Right Back and hear a tale, of a hustler round my way
Who used to clock around the block, from where my grandma stayed
A Black BMW with Cribs to match, windows bullet proof
One Night he jumped out the car, and caught a Bullet in his Bubblegoose
He Caught a bullet in His Bubblegoose.
He Caught a Bullet in His Bubblegoose.
You can be at a party getting loose.
But you can catch a bullet in your goose.
... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| new year resolution candidates:
1.) manage my money: 401k contributions, money market account, bonds, stocks, IRA. long-term planning and long term goals. learn how to manage money now so when you have more, you'll know what to do with it.
2.) always be reading a book. choose very specific books from various genres. more from kundera? short stories? tech books? reading means better writing...
3.) write more. journal entries. poetry. thoughts. everything that is a history of yourself. because writing brings clarity to your thoughts, and helps you express yourself better. and that's more valuable than anything you could ever buy.
4.) work out and stay fit. how often? how long? what exercises? keeps me healthy and able, and staves off sickness. have a very set schedule, and stick to it. also, basketball counts! (as much as you suck.)
5.) pro-bono work for kamp/nihonmachi. learn what it takes and how much it costs to run a website for non-profit. good experience in case i ever want to run a web business myself. (overcome the fear of difficulty/effort.)
6.) be artistic. have 6 t-shirt designs made by the end of next year; that's one every two months. can also combine your interest for cartoons/design into this one, so it's a double-win. if you actually schedule the time for it, it's very do-able. so fucking get started already.
still considering: work goals? mentoring? plans for korea? cooking? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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